Cambridge Jokes / Recent Jokes

Florida State football coach Bill Peterson: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." He also said, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Mike Tyson, about writer Wallace Matthews: "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse."
Weightlifting commentator Pat Glenn: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Alan Minter: "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
Football coach Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
Basketball player Jason Kidd: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Soccer coach Ron Greenwood: "I don't hold water with that theory."
Baseball player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
Tennis more...

There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old
in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the Cambridge rag,
"The Cambridge Distorter," told a photographer to get over there
and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin bitteys.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear
quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one
said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

He said, "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to
each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said
the photographer.

Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS HE'S more...

(I heard this from an MIT grad, who says it's a classic).
A student pushes a loaded shopping cart up to the express checkout
lane at a Cambridge grocery store. The cashier looks at the cart,
looks at the student, looks at the "EXPRESS-EIGHT ITEMS OR LESS"
sign, and says to the student, "Are you from Harvard, where they
don't know how to count, or MIT, where they don't know how to read?"

The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge (Massachusetts) via
Massachusetts Avenue is commonly know as the Harvard Bridge. When it
was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school
that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an
essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding
that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge
named for the institution. MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge
and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named
for Harvard.

Here is a true story regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day, a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale.

The following dialogue ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale."

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the more...

LONDON (Nov 8, 1996 1:48 p.m. EST) - Scientists searching for one of the fundamental keys to the universe found they had been beaten to the answer by the comic cult novel "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"; and the answer was 42.
In the British novel and radio serial by Douglas Adams, an alien race programs a computer called Deep Thought to provide the ultimate answer to understanding life and the universe.
In the novel, seven and a half million years later Deep Thought comes back with the result - 42.
Astronomers at Britain's Cambridge University took a little less time - three years - to calculate the Hubble Constant that determines the age of the universe. But the answer was the same.
"It caused quite a few laughs when we arrived at the figure 42, because we're all great fans of The Hitchhiker's Guide," Dr. Keith Grange, one of the team of Cambridge scientists who worked on the project, said Friday.
"Everyone thought it was quite more...