Camera Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly economics professor is standing at the shallow end of the campus pool. A Coed is standing at the deep end taking pictures.
She suddenly drops the camera into the pool. Then she motions for the professor to come to her. He goes and she asks him to retrieve the camera.
He agrees and dives in and retrieve its.
Upon returning he says to her, "Why did you ask me to retrieve the camera when there were many younger and more athletic males closer to her?"
She replied, "Professor you seem to forget that I'm in your Econ I class, and I don't know anyone who can go down deeper, stay down longer and come up drier than you."

101 Things NOT to say during sex
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
11.
Person 1: This is your first time..right?
Person 2: Yeah.. today
12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm more...

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children:

Feeling the Baby Move

First Child: I placed my hand on my wive's tummy every chance I could for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment when, I felt this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell them about the blessed experience.

Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office. I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the experience in all of our letter to our family.

Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it our during the next commercial break. I missed out because her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night football. By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby more...

1.But everybody looks funny naked!
2.You woke me up for that?
3.Did I mention the video camera?
4.Do you smell something burning?
5.(In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6.Try breathing through your nose.
7.A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
8.Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9.Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10.But whipped cream makes me break out.
11.Person 1: This is your first time... right?
Person 2: Yeah... today.
12.Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
13.Can you please pass me the remote control?
14.Do you accept Visa?
15.ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16.On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17.And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18.So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19.(Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20.Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
21.Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the more...

One morning the Pope awoke in his bedchamber in the Vatican. To his surprise, he noticed that he had woken up with a massive erection.; Perplexed, he called on his personal physician.
"Doctor, this should not be possible," he said, "I'm the Pope, and I'm celibate! I haven't had one of these for 50 years!"
The doctor's reply was, "Well, father, this is a natural phenomenon for all men, and it will happen even to you from time to time". The Pope exclaimed "But you must do something about this! I have mass in an hour, and this thing isn't going away!"
The doctor replied "You have two options... either I can administer an injection to your penis to make the problem go away, which will hurt and make you feel ill, or you can just quietly go into the toilet over there and relieve yourself."
Fearing the injection, the Pope elects the second option. Unbeknownst to him, a paparazzi photographer has sneaked into the Vatican, and more...

Things Not To Say During Sex
Girls shouldn't say:
You woke me up for that? Do you smell something burning? Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! Got any penicillin? Smile, you're on Candid Camera! I want a baby! But everybody looks funny naked! Did I mention the video camera? So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth... Did you know the ceiling needs painting? Did I remember to take my pill? That leak better be from the waterbed! I told you it wouldn't work without batteries! But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed? If you quit smoking you might have more endurance... You're almost as good as my ex! Do you know the definition of statutory rape? You look younger than you feel. Perhaps you're just out of practice. You sweat more than a galloping stallion! They're not cracker crumbs, it's just more...

Things Not To Say During SexGirls shouldn't say:You woke me up for that? Do you smell something burning? Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! Got any penicillin? Smile, you're on Candid Camera! I want a baby! But everybody looks funny naked! Did I mention the video camera? So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth... Did you know the ceiling needs painting? Did I remember to take my pill? That leak better be from the waterbed! I told you it wouldn't work without batteries! But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed? If you quit smoking you might have more endurance... You're almost as good as my ex! Do you know the definition of statutory rape? You look younger than you feel. Perhaps you're just out of practice. You sweat more than a galloping stallion! They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash. more...