Canadian Jokes / Recent Jokes

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I am not an American" Kristen replies.

"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.

"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A more...

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring.
The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O.K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere."
On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway.
On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and more...

One day a Canadian an Indian and an American went to a cliff.
The American says "Lets each throw something over the cliff
that we have too much of in our countries."
The American throws $100. The other two say "What'd ya do that
for? The American replies "Money we've got plenty of it in the US.
The Indian pulls out a bag of weed and throws it over. The other
two say "What'd ya do that for? The Indian relpies "Drugs, we've got
it too much in India."
The Canadian throws the Indian over the cliff. The American says
"That was kinda cold, what was that for?" The Canadian replies:
We've too much of that in our country.

A man finds an old bronze statue of a rat in an antique store.The shopkeeper says: "It's $10 for the statue, but $100 for the story that goes with it."The man skips the story, hands over $10, and starts to walk home with the statue under his arm.On the way, hundreds of rats start to follow along behind him.The man runs to the nearest bridge and throws the statue in the water. To his amazement all the rats follow the statue and leap off the bridge to their deaths.When the man returns to the store the owner says: "You've come back for the story of the statue."The man says: "No, I was wondering if you might have a bronze statue of a Separatist."

An American is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread??" American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Canadian has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform more...

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'elp you" replied the Prime Minster. (Yes, he does speak like that)
"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 Condoms ASAP to tie us over?"
"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white and blue in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem" replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Cretien hung up and called the President of Trojan.
"I need a favour, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send dem to more...

Ben, a middle-aged Canadian tourist, visits the red light district of Oklahoma City and enters a large brothel. It's only his second time in Oklahoma. The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the prospective client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He then whispers something in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the Madam sends a more experienced lady over to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He again whispers in her ear and she screams "No!" and walks quickly away!
The Madam decides that only the most experienced lady, Lola, would do!
Lola looks a little tired, but there's nothing she hasn't done already and absolutely nothing would surprise her. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams "No!" more...