Candle Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blind man with a lighted candle A blind man was accustomed to holding a burning candle in hand when going out in the evening. One night a man passed by the blind man in a great hurry. But he was so curious at the sight that he asked, "Does the candle have special use to you, blind man? I thinking it`s a sheer waste." The blind man answered, "If I hadn`t had this little light in my hand, wouldn`t I have been knocked down by a dare devil like you?"

On his tour to the U. S., the Pope visited a couple who had been childless for six years, try as they might to have a baby. The Pope promised to light a candle for them at the Vatican. A decade later, the Pope returned and dropped in on the couple again and found nine children romping around the house. Congratulating the wife on her fruitfulness, the Pope looked around and asked, "But where is your husband?" "Jim?" the haggard woman said. "Oh, he went to Rome to blow out that candle!"

What did one candle say to the other?"Dont birthdays burn you up?"

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..!
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles!
What's Christmas called in England?
Yule Britannia!
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!
Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
Beacause a little water ends both of them!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
Platform shoes!
What did the big candle say to the little candle?
I'm going out tonight!
Whats happens to you at Christmas?
Yule be happy!
How long does it take to burn a candle down?
About a wick!

Whats the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle? The candle is a thousand times brighter!

A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of its cage." This is Chet," he said, "and Chet can sing Christmas carols and songs." Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's face, he proceeded to demonstrate." He needs warming up," he said. "Lend me your cigarette lighter." The storekeeper lifted Chet's left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful." That's fantastic," said the customer." And listen to this," said the storekeeper, warming Chet's other wing. Chet sang: O Little Town of Bethlehem." Wrap him up," said the customer, "I'll take him!"When he got home he greeted his wife: "Honey, I can't wait until Christmas to show you what I got you. This is fantastic." He unwrapped Chet's cage and showed the bird to his wife. more...

There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.
"My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you."
"Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.
Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time-15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."
And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.
While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their more...