Cane Jokes / Recent Jokes
An elderly couple were sitting on their front porch one evening, when the wife picks up her cane and whaps her husband across the shins.
"All right woman! What the hell was that for?" he yells.
"That's for 60 years of bad sex." she replies.
A few minutes later, the husband picks up his cane and whaps his wife across the shins.
"Ow!!" she yells. "What the hell was THAT for??"
The husband looks at her and says, "That's for knowing the difference."
There was this guy who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles a day. One morning as he looked into the mirror to admire his body he noticed that he was suntanned all over, with one exception, his penis, which he really decided to do something about. He went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.
Two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other old lady, "There really is no justice in the world!"
The other little old lady said, "What do you mean by that?"
The first old lady said, "Look at that."
When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot more...
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went' bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
(From the "San Jose Mercury News," May 17, 1989:)
David St. John, 37, was the victim last week of what police
say was a terrible mistake.
The two Hayward police officers used their batons to hit
St. John, who they didn't realize was blind, after mistaking
his collapsible cane for an illegal martial arts weapon, said
Lt. Mitchell Penn, the police department's internal affairs officer.
"It was a very regrettable incident," Penn said Tuesday. "But from
what I've seen so far it's not a case of overzealous officers.
They had no idea he was blind-they were extremely upset when they
found out."
Field training officer Eric Ristram said St. John placed in his pants
pocket what appeared to be a nunchaku, a martial arts weapon consisting of
two round sticks of wood connect by a chain.
The officers thought the man could see their uniforms so they didn't
identify themselves when they told St. more...