Cane Jokes

A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch. Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.Suddenly the wife stopped, grabbed her cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit her husband across the shins.His eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that fer?"""That's fer fifty years of bad sex," she said.He nodded his head, but said nothing. Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly the man stopped, and picked up his cane. He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit his wife across the shins.As soon as her eyes quit watering and she could speak she asked, "What was that fer?"That," said her husband as he began to rock again, "is fer knowin' the more...

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today. ”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night? ”
“No, ” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole. ”
Once upon a time, there was a little old man that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles everyday. One morning he looked in the mirror and was more...

There is this guy who really takes care of his body. He lifts weights and jogs every day.
One morning he's looking in the mirror, admiring his body, as is his habit. He notices, however, that he has an even, golden-brown tan all over his body with the exception of his dick, which is completely white. He immediately decides to do something about it.
He goes to the beach early in the morning, and completely undresses, then buries himself in the sand, except for his snow-white member, which he leaves sticking out of the sand, liberally coated with sunscreen.
A while later, as the sun rises above the yardarm, two elderly ladies are strolling along the beach, one of them so rickety she is using a cane. They walk right up to where the man is buried, and notice his dick sticking out of the sand. One of the old ladies begins to poke his dick around with her cane.
She turns to her companion and says, "There really is no justice in the world."
Her friend looks at more...

An elderly couple were sitting on their front porch one evening, when the wife picks up her cane and whaps her husband across the shins. "Jesus Christ, woman! What the hell was that for?" he yells. "That's for 60 years of bad sex." she replies. A few minutes later, the husband picks up his cane and whaps his wife across the shins. "Ow!!" she yells. "What the hell was THAT for??" The husband looks at her and says, "That's for knowing the difference."

Once upon a time, there was a little old man that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles everyday. One morning he looked in the mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed he was suntanned all over except for his penis. He decided to do something about it. He promptly went to the beach, completely undressed, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis. A little later two elderly ladies, one walking with a cane, happened by. When she saw this thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There ain`t no justice in this world." Her friend asked her what she meant. Well, she said: "When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I`m 80, the damn things are growing wild and I`m too old to squat!!!"