Capitol Jokes

'Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House,
All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse.
The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,
In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.
The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,
While visions of perjury danced in their heads.
And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,
Had just settled in for a long evening's nap.
When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter
They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.
With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!
More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
"Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let's forget about The Vixen!
On Barney! On Maxine! I'm no more...

What REALLY happened as the Torch made its way through our our
nation's capital:
3:15 Torch arrives at U.S. Capitol
3:30 Torch leaves U.S. Capitol, carried by Bob Dole.
5:00 One block later, Bob Dole hands off torch.
5:15 Torch enters Northeast Washington
5:16 First recorded case of "Torch-jacking" occurs.
6:00 After massive search, Torch is found in a local pawn shop and
repurchased for $25
6:15 Torch arrives at city hall. Crowd is dismayed when Marion
Barry uses it to light his crack pipe.
6:20 Barry is further embarrassed when he is stopped trying to take
the torch to the country for "spiritual renewal".
6:30 Torch heads into Northwest Washington
6:35 Torch runner falls into D.C. pothole.
6:45 Torch is recovered (runner is never found).
6:55 Torch arrives at Dupont Circle. Residents are proud to have
such a high profile "flame" in their area.
7:00 Torch runner attempts to hand off more...

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -
“Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building? ”
The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there. ” She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting? ”
The blonde replied, “Don’t worry, officer, it won’t be long now…
The 45th bus just went by! ”

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...
The 45th bus just went by!"

'Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House,
All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse.
The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,
In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.
The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,
While visions of perjury danced in their heads.
And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,
Had just settled in for a long evening's nap.
When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter
They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.
With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!
More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
"Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let's forget about The Vixen!
On Barney! On Maxine! I'm no Richard more...