Captian Jokes

There was this sailor aboard a large ship, Jones was his name and he never lost a bet.
The week before he bet the captain that the ship was going to experience the largest storm in history, the captain said "there is nothing on the radar, your on". That night the ship experienced the largest storm in history and the captain lost $200. Tired of loseing to Jones the captian decided to transfer him to the the flag ship with the fleet admiral. He warned the admiral never to bet with Jones he never losses a bet. One day Jones came up to the admiral and said, I bet you $20 you have hodgkins podgkins desease. The admiral replied "what the hell is that, how do know if you have hodgkins podgkins desease?" Jones said well there is only one way to tell if you have hodgkins podgkins desease you stick a banana up your ass and if it comes out red you have hodgkins podgkins desease if it comes out yellow you dont." The admiral dropped his pants and stuck a banana up his more...

There was a captian of a cruise ship who would leave to go see a magician perform after he got off duty every night.
The captian had a parrot who understood every trick and would reveal every one. He would yell out "squaawk its in his sleeve or ssquaawk its in his pocket"
One night the magician reached his boiling point and pulled out his pistol and tried to shoot the parrot.
Instead he missed and hit a propane tank and blew the ship into a million pieces.
Everyone died except the parrot and the magician. They floated for days and said nothing.
Five days later the parrot says"squaawk ok I give up what did you do with the damn ship?"