Car Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didnt reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened? She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"

A man was driving home late one afternoon above the
speed limit. He noticed a police car with its red
lights in his rearview mirror.
He thought, "I can outrun this guy," so he floored
it and the race was on. The cars were racing down
the highway at 90 miles an hour.
Finally, as his speedometer passed 100, the guy
figured, "What the heck," and gave up.
He pulled over to the curb. The police officer got
out of his cruiser and approached the car.
He leaned down and said, "Listen mister,
I`ve had a really lousy day, and I just want
to go home. Give me a good excuse and
I`ll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said,
"Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police
officer.
When I saw your cruiser in my rearview mirror,
I thought you were that officer and you were trying
to give her back to me!"

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady more...

You Are No Longer "Cool" When

You find yourself listening to talk radio.

You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.

The pattern on your shorts and couch match.

You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.

You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.

You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.

You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.

You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.

When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.

When jogging is something you do to your memory.

Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.

All the cars behind you flash their more...

An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. "If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a piece of candy." The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again. "How about $20 and two pieces of candy?" The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking. Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. "OK," he says, "this is my final offer. I'll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat." The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. "Look," he says to the driver. "You bought the Chevrolet, Dad. You'll have to live with it!"

Q: What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A: A LOCOmotive.

A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC. He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But listen, I'm really in a bind so I'm going to have to trust you anyway."