Cardinal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three guys were applying for the priesthood. The Cardinal was going to give them a test. He tied a bell attached to a string on each of their penises. He told them that he was going to show them pictures of naked girls and if the bells rang then they would flunk the priesthood test.
He showed the first guy the pictures and nothing happened. "you passed", the Cardinal said.
He showed the naked girls to the second guy. Nothing happened. "you passed."
He showed the pictures to the third guy. Nothing happened.
The Cardinal said "all of you passed." The Cardinal turned to put away the pictures but dropped them. He bent over to pick them up and all three bells went "ding, ding, ding."

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, leader of the Jewish nation.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus.
We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres....we can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honoured and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.
"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second!?" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres!!??"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Palmer."

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus. "Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!" "No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thoughtand thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, "What's a four letter word, ending in U - N - T that means 'woman'?"The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn't even bother to look up. "*A*unt, your Holiness."The Pope didn't speak for a second. "Oh." He paused. "Do you have an eraser?"

The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thoughtand thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, "What's a four letter word, ending in U - N - T that means' woman'?"The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn't even bother to look up. "*A*unt, your Holiness."The Pope didn't speak for a second. "Oh." He paused. "Do you have an eraser?"

A Yeshiva bocher and a seminary student met and started to compare notes about career paths.
The Yeshiva student asked, "So what happens after you graduate?" "Well" answered the seminary student, "I become a priest and if I do well I will promoted to be a Bishop" "Bishop, smishop" said the Yeshiva boy "what is so great about becoming a Bishop? " " Well, said the seminary student "if I do well as a Bishop I can be nominated to become a Cardinal ". The Yeshiva boy was still not satisfied "Cardinal, shmardinal, so you get to wear a little purple yarmulke, so what?" "You do not understand" the other one said "as a Cardinal I get sent to Rome and could even become the Pope!" "Pope, shmope" the young Jewish student said " it is not such a big deal, these days he is just a figure head anyway."
The seminary student lost his patience at that at and shouted back " more...