Cardinal Jokes / Recent Jokes

RENOWNED wit was Cardinal Hinsley who did not suffer from a sense of modesty.
Cardinal Hinsley was once called upon to give evidence in a court case. To impress the jury, the defence counsel asked if he was the leader of the English Catholics.
"That's right,' said the cardinal.
'In fact you are the Prince of the Church of Rome?'
'Correct.'
'One of the greatest scholars, not only in England, but also in the world?'
'True.'
'A brilliant man in every way?'
'Yes.'
Later a friend reproached the cardinal.' You weren't very humble today, were you?'
The cardinal smiled,' True,' he said,' but what could I do? I was on oath.'

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.

"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic.

We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, more...

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbileans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.""Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi."I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I mightbe made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously."Is there any way that you might go higher than that?""If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal""Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi. Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could beelected Pope, but..."So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?""What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of ou r boys made it."

Cardinal Graciaus was once invited to give the first holy communion in a church in Bombay. The parish priest had prepared the young children thoroughly on how to respond to the prayers during the Holy Mass. He had taught the children that the response to the Bishop's saying -' The Lord be with you,' would be -' And also with you.'

As the Cardinal began the Holy Mass, he found that the mike was not working. He turned around to the parish priest and said,' Something is wrong with the mike'

The children, well trained as they were, answered in a loud voice:' And also with you.'

A bunch of Cardinals got together with the Pope and decided that they wanted to have a golf game against the other religions. The only problem was that none of the cardinals were very good golfers.
One Cardninal turned to the Pope and suggested, "We could get Tiger Woods and ordane him as a Cardinal. He would ensure our victory."
"That's a great idea", said the Pope.
A few weeks later, the cardinals returned from their golf game and the Pope was anxiously awaiting the news of the match.
"So, how did it go?" asked the Pope.
One of the cardinals replied, "Well, it went alright. We played pretty well, but we lost."
"How could you lose? We had Tiger Woods as our secret weapon." gasped the Pope.
The cardinal shook his head and replied, "Tiger lost to Rabbi Greg Norman!"

There were three girls and a genie on a mountain. There was a redhead, a brunette and a blonde. The only one who knew how to get off the mountain was the genie, but she offered the girls a wish to turn into birds and fly off.
"I want to be a blue jay so I can showoff my blue color in the sun." the redhead said to the genie. POOF! The bluejay landed off the mountain safely.
"I want to be a cardinal so I can go visit my friends in St. Louis." the brunette said. POOF! The cardinal landed safely off the mountain, too.
Then the blonde shouted "I want to be cuter than a bluejay and a cardinal! I want to be a penguin!"

A Catholic man was friendly with a Jewish man, so when his son became a priest, he was eager to share the good news with his friend. "My son just entered the priesthood!" he told his Jewish friend excitedly.

"Ehhh. .. that's nice," the Jewish man said with complacency.

"Don't you get it. .. he could one day become a monsignor," the Catholic insisted.

"Mmm. .. that's nice," the Jewish man repeated, maddeningly unenthusiastic.

"But one day he might become a bishop!"

"That's nice."

"An archbishop! My son. .. my little boy. .. could one day be an archbishop!" the Catholic man exclaimed, frustrated by his friend's utter lack of zeal for the news.

"An archbishop. .. that's nice."

"A cardinal. My boy, my boy who you knew when he was just a little squirt, he could be a cardinal some day maybe."

"That's more...