Care Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How is Clintons health care reform a lot like his haircut? A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks.

1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night, and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't more...

These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

So here I sit, in all my glory...
Lend me an ear, and I'll tell ya a story...
Once had a wife-she was such a dear,
Then came AOL, and it all disappeared! Now there she sits, for hours on end...
don't care where I'm goin', don't care where I've been.
It could be two, or it could be nine...
she really doesn't care, long as she's online.She gets off of work and rushes home,
She comes in screaming at me, "Get off the phone!"
Where the hell's my hug? Where is my kiss?
But she's at the computer-that's all she missed! Talking to buddies, checking the mail
All her priorities-I'm in cyber Hell!!
My stomach's growling-it's so unfair!
No clean dishes and I'm out of underwear! Drink me a beer, stare at the walls
I'll pick at my teeth while I'm scratching my balls
Farting and burping all while I pee
Can you believe she's there? She could be with ME!!

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: "Boys, we all know I`ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don`t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain`t givin` him any of mine." Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I`ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we`ve agreed are mine. I`ll fight him till I run him off or kill him, but I`M KEEPIN` ALL MY COWS." Third Bull: "I`ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows." They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the more...

More mistakes in publication,
-Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
-Stock up and save. Limit: one.
-Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
-We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
-This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
-For Sale-Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
-For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
-Man, honest. Will take anything.
-Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
-Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
-Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
-Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
-Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
-Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
-Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth more...

If health care does pass, the good news for Rush is oxycontin is much cheaper in Canada.