Careful Jokes / Recent Jokes
BANTA showed his palm to a palmist. He examined the lines on Banta's hand and said,' A beautiful girl will come into your life, but be very careful.'
'Why should I have to be careful?' asked Banta.' She should be careful of her life. I drive a Redline bus!'
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out."The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes."You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?""Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is,' Is it on fire?'"
The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home.
He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling.
"CAREFUL!!!
CAREFUL!!!
MORE OIL!!!
TURN THEM!!!
TURN THEM NOW!!!
WE NEED MORE OIL!!!
THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!!
CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!!
TURN THEM!!!
TURN THEM!!!
HURRY UP!!!
ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!
THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!!
USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!"
The wife was very upset, "What is wrong with you?
Why are you yelling like this?
Do you think I don`t know how to fry an egg?"
The husband calmly replied, "This is to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving and you sit next to me..."
Dear Santa,
We're worried about you. From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts.
The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Illinois. Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have "a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition that also affects millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a well-circulated report that your "cheeks were like roses, (your) nose like a cherry."
Sadly, many observers conclude that red-skin condition comes from hitting the Christmas-punch bowl a little too hard. Sadder still, rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and overexertion. .. all things you may encounter this time of year.
The one bright note in Dr. Litt's message is more...
A guy was standing at the bottom of the stairs listening to the bells. He decided to go up and meet the ringer. So he raced up the many stairs until finally he was standing not three meters away from quazimodo.
In a soft voice he said "can I ring the bells" as the hunchback pushed his head against the bell
"No training is needed or you will be in danger"
The guy replied to this "C'mon please I'll be careful"
"Be very careful"
Minutes went by and he pushed the bell with the might of his hands
"Can I ring the bell with my head? "The guy asked
"NO, TRAINING"
"I can do it"
"Ok don't say you haven't been warned"
Alas on his first heave he lost balance and when the bell swung back it hit him out the window he fell down the tower to his death. Quazimodo raced down the stairs with all possible speed, when he
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!