Case Jokes / Recent Jokes

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to
his lawyer.
If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.?
It's in the judge's hands now, said the lawyer.
Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars??
Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like
that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you
in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the
judge.
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of
the defendant.
As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, Thanks
for the tip about the cigars. It worked!?
I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them.
But I did send them.
What?? You did?
Yes. That's how we won the case.
I don't understand, said the lawyer.
It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the
plaintiff's business card.

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of
cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical
behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in
contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if
you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the more...

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".

"What if that had been more...

In hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at. "Four glasses of ale," was the reply. "Next?" "Two glasses of whiskey." "Next?" "One glass of brandy." "Next?" "A fight."

Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence. ”
Judge: “And what is the nature of the new evidence? ”
Lawyer: “Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left. ”

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers." As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15, 000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment counselor. The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

Put bifocals on. Double check that you're with the right partner.
Set alarm on your clock for 2 minutes... in case you doze off in the middle.
Set the mood with lighting. Turn 'em ALL OFF!
Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin... just in case!
Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember what to scream out at the end.