Casket Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't more...
It seems a new widow was upset with the director of the local funeral parlor. "I brought his dark blue suit in here. That's what he always wore. You've dressed him in this shabby beige one. I'm really displeased!" the grieving woman lamented.Rubbing his hands in anguish, the funeral parlor director, fearful of the woman's telling others about his mistake and giving his competitor down the street some satisfaction, assured the lady the error would be soon corrected. "Please have a seat right here," the director urged the woman. "It won't take long, I assure you!"The woman sat down, took out a hankie and dabbed at her eyes, fighting back the tears that would not seem to stop since she lost her dearly beloved husband. No sooner than she had tucked the moistened cloth back in her purse, the doors to the preparation room" swung open, the modest casket being rolled back into the viewing room. She hurried over. "Oh, yes, that's dear Ralph! That's more more...
Sometime after a man died, his widow, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
"He thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, he called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Honey,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace.'"
"What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked.
"The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful casket with such a comfortable lining that I know he is resting very comfortably."
"The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral.' I arranged him a very dignified funeral and bought all his favourite foods for everyone attending."
"And the third envelope?" asked her more...
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that fucking wall!"
There were these three morticians talking about their greatest feats. The first one says, "I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral!!" The next guy says, "oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 15 stories, then he got run over by a steam roller, but I had him ready for an open casket funeral in two days!!!" The third guy sulks in the corner, "man. both y'all got me beat. I had this lady parachutist who landed on the empire state building. it took me four days just to get the grin off her face."
Of all tales of the supernatural, this one is perhaps the best documented, the most disturbing and
the most difficult to explain. The Princess of Amen-Ra lived some 1, 500 years before Christ. When she
died, she was laid in an ornate wooden coffin and buried deep in a vault at Luxor, on the banks of
the Nile.
In the late 1890's, 4 rich young Englishmen visiting the excavations at Luxor were invited to buy and
exquisitely fashioned mummy case containing the remains of Princess Amen-Ra. They drew lots.
The man who paid several thousand pounds had the coffin taken to his hotel. A few hours later, he was
seen walking out towards the desert. He never returned.
The next day, one of the remaining 3 men was shot by an Egyptian servant accidentally. His arm was so
severely wounded it had to be amputated.
The 3rd man in the foursome found on his return home that the bank holding his entire savings had
failed. The 4th guy suffered a severe more...