Cat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What's a cat's second favorite food? - A: Spa-catti!

She has cats and when she lived in the south she would take them to the groomers and have what is called a Line Cut. To her a line cut is when all of the fur hanging down below the cat's tummy is taken off (because it gets matted or snarled).


When she moved to Chicago with my brother, one of the cats fur got all tangled up during the move so she took it in for a line cut. She was quite surprised when she heard the price as it was twice as much as it was down south. She confirmed with the groomer that he understood what a line cut was and he said "yes, I know what a LION cut is." It seems her accent came out sounding like LION not LINE and this is how her cat was returned to her.

She cried for a week... but not as much as the cat. It was November in Chicago and the cat needed all the fur it had."

Gas in car to go to groomers $4. 50
Cat car carrier $32. 99
Grooming fee $80. 00
Getting the look from one seriously pissed more...

A man rushed into the veterinarian’s office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog’s still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.
Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog. The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.
The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a “meow”, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.
The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do. ”
Resigned, the man signed and said, “Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you? ”
“Three-hundred fifty dollars, ” the doctor replied.
“Thr. . . thr. . more...

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and *splat!*... he flattened the cat.
Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants.
When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off...."
"Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat?
Could you describe him? What does he look like?"
The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said...
"He looks like thts'as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
"Oh no, you *horrible* man", she replied.
"I meant, what did he look like *before* you hit him?"
The man got up, more...

Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do? - A: Light mouse work.

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant." -- Unknown
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Bruce
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward Abbey
"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Unknown

Q: What kind of cats lay around the house? - A: Car-pets!