Catch Jokes / Recent Jokes
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet!
Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for 4 days and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to more...
How do you catch a polar bear in Alaska? First you go out and cut a hole in the ice. Then, you line the hole with peas. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man.
The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day... Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said " are you going to fish or talk?"
There one was a heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad that read:
Lose weight: Only $1. 00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
The man responded, "Ten pounds."
The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9: 00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me."
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. more...
A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first Singh answers, "That's
easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman
says, "Well... uh... that's because the picture I showed is his side
profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how
would
you recognize him?"
The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best more...
It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
You may not sing in the bathtub.
Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.
& A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.
& Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let more...
The setting is a quiet and serene country stream weaving through the gentle hills of a grassy plain. All is quiet and still, and, lo, a small fly hovers a few inches above the quiet waters of the stream.
Beneath the water floats a small fish. The fish thinks to itself, if that fly just drops two inches, I will be able to jump out of the water and catch it.
Now, standing on the bank of the stream lurks a bear. The bear looks at the scene and thinks to itself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will jump out of the water to catch it, and I will be able to dash into the stream and snap up the fish in my mouth.
Crouching nearby the stream, in the tall grass, waits a hunter. The hunter looks at the scene and thinks to himself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will spring out of the water to catch it, then bear will dash out into the river, and I'll get a clear shot at the bear.
Sitting at the entrance to its hole, is a small field mouse. more...