Catch Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the more...

Santa was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, "OK, Santa how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Santa's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Santa says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes, I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Santa, what a surprise, more...

A short story...
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Dumb Ohio Laws
# In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker`s stand, you can be fined $25. 00.
# Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
# It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
# It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
# The Ohio driver`s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
# Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
# Breast feeding more...

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct more...

Do you know how to catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut!

How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

The setting is a quiet and serene country stream weaving through the gentle hills of a grassy plain. All is quiet and still, and, lo, a small fly hovers a few inches above the quiet waters of the stream.

Beneath the water floats a small fish. The fish thinks to itself, if that fly just drops two inches, I will be able to jump out of the water and catch it.

Now, standing on the bank of the stream lurks a bear. The bear looks at the scene and thinks to itself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will jump out of the water to catch it, and I will be able to dash into the stream and snap up the fish in my mouth.

Crouching nearby the stream, in the tall grass, waits a hunter. The hunter looks at the scene and thinks to himself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will spring out of the water to catch it, then bear will dash out into the river, and I'll get a clear shot at the bear.

Sitting at the entrance to its hole, is more...