Caught Jokes / Recent Jokes

SCORPIO
Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn't get caught.
Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you want a Scorpio condom.
SAGITTARIAN
Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases.
Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They promise a more...

Taken from "The Treasury of Clean Sports Jokes" by Tal D. Bonham Published in Nashville, Tennessee. (Somewhat appropriate I thought, as I work at the Australian government body for sport)
A fisherman from a northern state was telling his host about the "big" fish he had caught while on his vacation in Texas. "As a matter of fact," said the man, "I caught one that was nine inches."
The host replied that a fish that size was considered small evenaround there.
"Maybe," said the fisherman, "but down in Texas they measure a fish between the eyes!"

"They caught me with my best friend's wife," the disenhearted husband admitted to the bartender. "Now I'm on my own."

Son Of A Bitch Fish A irish priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide holding a net, yelled "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" Son, I`m a irish priest. Your language is uncalled for! No, irish father, that`s what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish! Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch! Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. irish father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I`ve ever seen. Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it? Why eat it of course. You`ve never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch! Elated, the irish priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear, and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "irish father!" It`s ok Sister. That`s what kind of fish it is. A Son of a more...

When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good.
If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don't want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish. You don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don't necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

At Parris Island, a sergeant was teaching a private to throw a grenade at a pracitice training course. He ran about 10 yards away to be safe, and yelled the instructions. "Pull the pin, throw and hit the dirt!" The private proceeds to do so, and throws the explosive directly at the sergeant! A few months later, the sergeant meets the private in a group of men killed in battle. He goes up the the private- no hard feelings because heaven is well, great- and asks him how he' bit the dust.' Responds the private: "Well, i was caught in a ambush; these guys," He thumbs behind him. "got caught in the jeep under the fire. I managed to make it to a ditch where i yanked a grenade form my belt and pulled the pin and lever. The enemy runs away seeing it, so i put the grenade back onto my belt."

Dear Mom and Dad: Since I left for college I have been remiss in writing and I am sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down. Okay? Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me in the hospital, and since I have nowhere to live because of the burned-out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement more...