Cause Jokes / Recent Jokes

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water. The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible more...

Legalese Night Before Christmas*



THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS in Legalese (Author unknown)



Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.



A variety of foot apparel, e. g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said more...

Some people will say that 1 800 Collect failed cause cell phones killed the pay phone, I say it’s cause they hired Carrot Top as their spokesman

Peace be unto you, your computer and the e'mail you receive this day.
May the mail you receive not require you to multiply it tenfold or return it within a limited time frame.
May the mail you receive not require you to take action to prove your love, friendship, or concern for the welfare of the sender.
May the mail you receive not start with Fw: FW: Fw: Re:Fw:, not contain strangely named attachments and contain a "".
May the mail you receive not require you to look closely at those on the playground to see if they are the non-missing children you are to be searching for.
May the mail you receive not cause you to change your eating habits to avoid plagues, pestilence and the eating of parts of things that you can't buy at Wal-Mart.
May the mail you receive not encourage you to carry a steel plate on which to sit in theaters or other public places.
May the mail you receive not encourage you to learn the 800 number for the National Missing Child more...

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. I was born intelligent
- education ruined me. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say.......... Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice? If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
One should love animals.
They are so tasty. Save water.
Shower with your girl friend. Love thy neighbor.
But don't get caught. Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not more...

1. How to get rid of nuclear waste:
Sending nuclear waste into the sun is expensive, because of the amount of
energy expended in getting it out of Earth's gravity well, which is most
probably more energy than was obtained from the fuel in the first place.
The best way to get rid of nuclear waste is to put it on the government
surplus list. People will bid on anything if they think they are getting
a good deal. And as for the damage it will cause, frankly do you really
care what happens to people stupid enough to buy something that is clearly
marked "Hazardous Nuclear Waste?"
2. How to fund private space concerns:
This is a twofold problem: first the difficulty with Congress, and second
the lack of funding. Both these problems can be solved in one simple
manner. Make slavery legal again. All the work on the Constitution has
already been done; you merely need repeal the Emancipation Proclamation.
Now, since congressmen more...

At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" more...