Ceiling Jokes / Recent Jokes

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses."
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."
George W. asked him why he was so uppity.
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".
George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert".

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."
George W. asked him why he was so uppity.
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.
The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!"
George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.
The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!"George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!

From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children:
There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too more...

I urgently needed a few days
off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought
that maybe if I acted crazy enough then he would tell me to take a few
days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the
ceiling & made funny noises. My co-worker (who`s blonde) asked me
what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb,
"... so, that the boss will think I`m overworked and going nuts and
give me a few days off."

A few minutes later the Boss
came into the office, saw me hanging from the ceiling and asked,
"What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You`re
crazy! I can`t have you hanging around here like that. You`re
stressed out. Go on, go home and get some rest for a couple of
days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office. My co-worker (the
blonde) followed more...