Cement Jokes / Recent Jokes

What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement? I dont know. A reindeer! What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement? A: Not enough cement. Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: Yeah, it comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.

Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: At the city morgue.

Q: What's the difference between a more...

What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement?
Not enough cement.

My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time.
He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning.
Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?"

Q. Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?
A. Because New Jersey got first pick!
Q. What do you need when you have a car half full of cement and a lawyer in it?
A. More cement.
Q. What`s the difference between a lawyer and God?
A. God doesn`t think he`s a lawyer.
Q. What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand!.
Q. Why do lawyers display a copy of their bar association cards on their dashboards?
A. So they can park in handicapped zones?
Q. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A. Your Honour.
Q. What`s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q. What`s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q. Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q. What`s the difference more...

Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?

A: not enough cement

Men are like cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.