General Jokes

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

Bill Gates compares the computer industry with General Motors
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall more...

An artist was commissioned to do a mural to be placed in the Museum of the site of the "Battle of the Big Horn." He was asked to do an oil painting depicting what Gen. George A. Custer's last thoughts could have been just prior to his death on the battlefield.
At the mural's unveiling, dignitaries from all over the country attended. All in attendance were shocked when the mural was unveiled. There was a painting showing General Custer in deep thought, with two caption clouds over his head. Inside one of the clouds was painted a pile of manure with a "halo" over it. Inside the other caption cloud were multitudes of naked Indians making love.
The Governor of Montana, who was acting as the Master of Ceremonies, called the artist to the microphone so he could explain what all this meant. The artist said, "Well, there's General Custer and he's thinking - holy shit, where did all these fuckin' Indians come from?"

A general store owner hired a young female clerk who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man entered the store, glanced at the clerk and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man said.
The clerk nodded and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which was located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.
Once she descended the ladder he mused that he really should get two loaves as he was having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieved the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers noticed what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requested his own loaf of raisin bread so he could continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the more...

A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get overhere!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says, That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?" The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him andthen kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blowsaway the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says, "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump offthat tower!" The more...