Center Jokes / Recent Jokes
Christmas at New York City's Rockfeller Center will feature a tree from western New Jersey that its owners call a "miracle."
Workers are cutting down the 72-foot tall Norway spruce on the grounds of Tree King nursery in Hamilton, which is owned by the Varanyak family.
He says it's "the miracle tree" because his late mother always said it would one day be on display at Rockefeller Center.
His brother, Bob, says they recently saw a blue bird in the tree and they believe the bird was their mother guarding it.
________
Unfortunately, the blue bird was crushed by the falling tree, and its recently hatched chicks froze to death in the crisp, NJ air....but the tree is beautiful, and if you squint your eyes, tree rings on the stump almost look like Santa Claus.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger; then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A calendar's days are numbered.
The brand-new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve. They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc. and on Dec. 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On Dec. 19 a terrible tempest--a driving rainstorm-- hit the area and lasted for two days.
On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high. The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business more...
Once Upon A Time There Was An Archery Contest.
The First Archer, Wearing A Long Cape Covering His Face, Lines Up In Position...
He Takes A Deep Breath And Fires An Arrow, Which Finds The Center Of The Target.
Then He Takes Of His Cape And Screams: I Am...... Robin Hood! !! The Crowd Cheers!
The Second Archer With A Cape Lines Up In Position.
He Fires His Arrow, Which Hits The Center And Cuts Robin Hood's Arrow Into Two! !!
He Takes Off His Cape And Screams: I Am...... William Tell! !!!!! The Crowd Cheers! !
Finally Our Santa In Cape Lines Up In Position... He Fires His Arrow But It Goes All Wrong!
It Flies Past The Crowd And Kills The King! !! Then The Man Takes Off His Cape And Screams: I Am...... Sorry!
1. If you have no life - and you can prove it mathematically.2. If you enjoy pain.3. If you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.4. If you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."5. If you've actually used every single function on your graphing
calculator.6. If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.7. If you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."8. If you always do homework on Friday nights.9. If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.10. If you think in "math."11. If you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.12. If you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.13. If you have a pet named after a scientist.14. If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.15. If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.16. If you can more...
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway. After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."
A customer who had just received a laptop computer asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." Would this hibernate device work in the spring and summer, the caller asked.
Another caller explained she had received a gift of software on 5.25-inch diskettes, but she had only a 3.5-inch disk drive on her computer. The more...