Cents Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.' 'Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent.''
''One penny?!'' exclaimed the guy. The barman replied,' 'Yes.'' So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks,' 'Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?''
''Certainly sir,'' replies the bartender,' 'but all that comes to real money.''' 'How much money?'' inquires the guy.' 'Four cents,'' he replies.
''Four cents?!'' exclaims the guy.' 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'' The barman replies,' 'Upstairs with my wife.'' The guy says,' 'What's he doing with your wife?'' The bartender replies,' 'Same as what I'm doing to his business.''
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel - they said, because it was bigger.One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"
I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
ME: Is this AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: This is AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: The phone company.
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. more...
We were born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, xerox, contact lenses,
frisbees and the PILL.
We were before radar, credit cards, split atoms, lazer beams, and ball-point pens. Before pantyhose,
dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, drip-dry clothes--and before man
walked on the moon.
We got married first--and then lived together. How quaint can you be?
In our time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out of". Bunnies were small rabbits and
rabbits were not Volkswagons. Designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeanne; and having a
meaningful relationship meant getting along with our cousins. We thought fast food was what you ate
during Lent; and Outer Space was the back of the Riviera Theatre.
We were before house-husbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers, and computer marriages. We
were before day-care centers, group therapy and nursing homes. We more...
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5: 00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37.""And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked."Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5: 00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37.
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."