Cereal Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dear Shrink,
It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn’t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.
I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.
I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.
Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?
I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!
I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They more...
Yo mama is so fat, she eats her cereal out of a satellite dish.
New Miracle Diet! Flabby people are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Or is there a slim hope? Such is the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught parents, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor. .. otherwise more...
Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it any more.
Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun.
The average ten-year-old doesn't have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.
Being bad is no longer cool.
You have friends who have kids.
Saturday mornings are for sleeping.
Your parents' jokes are now funny.
You have owned, and since disowned Michael Jackson's Thriller.
Christmas starts to make you mad.
You would rather wear your dirty clothes again,' cause mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.
Naps are good.
Hitting girls is no longer considered flirting.
You have once deemed Space Invaders as "The best game ever".
When things go wrong, you can't just yell, "Do-over!"
The only thing in your cereal box is...cereal.
You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.
Your idea of fun more...
The US Food and Drug administration has sent a letter to General Mills stating that because of claims on their label, their Cheerios Whole Grain Oat cereal is promoted for conditions that cause it to be a drug.
In other news, Michael Phelps has become the new spokesman for Cheerios cereal.
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Cereal!
Cereal who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you!