Ceremony Jokes / Recent Jokes
Announcement:
It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride's parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).
Invitations:
Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell "If you aint doing nothin' on the 14th of March, why don't you more...
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Farmer's Branch, Texas:Customers waiting for car repairs at Swedish Auto Incorporated now have an alternative to reading old magazines.William Signs, owner of the garage, is offering a free marriage ceremony with any 30,000-mile inspection on Hondas, Volvos and BMWs. For the $290 price of the inspection, he will throw in the cost of being married by the local justice of the peace, a $25 value.The inspection comes with a warranty, but there is no guarantee on the marriage. Then again, the justice of the peace, Judge Bob Forman, suggests, "Maybe the car will break down and the marriage won't." He says he hasn't seen anything like this stunt since his days as a practicing attorney, when a client asked him to draw up wills for employees in lieu of cash bonuses at Christmas.Signs said he got the idea during a trip to Las Vegas, where he more...
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief ceremony in front of the congregation.For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married."Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo.
After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom’s. Explain to the tux shop what you’re up to. Pick up the groom’s fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.
The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don’t reveal that you know anything as long as possible.
Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of more...
The ceremony included a living Nativity scene. Apparently, at the first Christmas there were four shepherds, three wisemen, and two party crashers.
The sad wedding ceremony
Freda and Moishe were getting married at Edgware synagogue and all was going fine until the Rabbi discovered that Freda and Moishe and their parents had disappeared. A search was immediately made throughout the synagogue and finally, the chazzan found them sitting in the synagogue basement. All six of them were just sitting on the floor and crying. The Rabbi approached Freda and said, "Why are you all crying on this most happy and important day of your lives?"
Freda looked up at the Rabbi and replied, "My parents are alive and Moishe’s parents are alive? Who are we going to name the baby after?"
Life & Style magazine reports that, according to a source close to the family, Katie Holmes' parents are extremely unhappy that their daughter is not marrying in a "proper" Catholic ceremony, and may not attend.
Of course if it were a proper Catholic ceremony, God would no doubt be extremely unhappy, as Katie is a fornicating whore who had a baby out of wedlock, and Tom is a suspected sodomite.