Chain Jokes / Recent Jokes

Only in America do we chain $2.00 ink pens to the counter but leave our $58,000 cars out in the driveway.

This letter was started by a woman, like yourself, in the hopes of
bringing relief to other tired and discontended women. Unlike most
chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of
this letter to five of your friends who are equally frustrated. Then
bundle up your husband or partner, and send him to the woman whose
name appears on the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom
of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list, you will
receive 16, 877 men! One of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better
than the one you already have. Do not break the chain. One woman broke
the chain and got the old son-of-a-bitch back again! At this writing,
a friend of mine already received 384 men... They buried her
yesterday, but it took three undertakers to get the smile off her face
and two days to get her legs together so they could close the coffin.
Hurry up and send this letter so my name can more...

A lumberjack had raised his only son & had managed to finance the young man's college education by the only way he knew how, cutting down trees, by hand. The young man had helped his father cut down some of those trees. He knew how hard his father had to work to put him through college. When the son started college he promised himself the first thing he would do was to buy his father a present that would make the old man's life easier. The son saved & scrimped & finally had enough money to purchase the finest chain saw in the world. On a school vacation the son asks his dad how many trees could he cut down in one day. The father a large husky man thought and said on a good day he was able to bring down 20 trees. The son gave the father the brand new chain saw & said from now on he would be able to triple the amount and only work half as hard. The old man was very pleased and said he had the best son in the world. The young man left for school the next morning & wasn't able to return more...

Application to Live in KentuckyName:__________________________ Nickname:_________________________________CB Handle Model:_____________________ Color:______________Address (RFD No.):_________________-_____________________________________Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):______________________________________Mamma:_________________________Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark RedNumber of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________Truck equipped with:____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag____8-Track Cassettes ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Hunting RifleNumber of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____BUMPER STICKERS:____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of shit too____Honk if more...

What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? The chain saw has greater dynamic range.

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, 'You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one REALLY GOOD DEED - you're in.'
The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.
Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang more...

Dear Friend:
This letter is being sent to you because we know you are critically interested in your front lawn. The spring season will soon be upon us. This is a Fertilize Your Lawn Club and it will not cost you a cent to join. Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of the list and shit on their front lawn. You will not be the only one there, so do not feel embarrassed.
Remove the name at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom, then make five copies of this letter and send them to five of your friends who appreciate good lawns. You will not get any cash or checks, but within one week, if the chain is not broken, there will be 9, 915 people shitting on your front lawn. Your reward will come later on this summer season when you have the greenest lawn in your neighborhood.
Mrs. Lucy Bowels
29 Bedpan Court
Mrs. Julie Crapp
236 Hershey Squirts Lane
Mr. Harry Butt
1422 Enema Drive
Mr. Smelly B. Hind
276 more...