Chair Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice. He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do. The Rabbi says "Take a beach chair and a bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the bible out and open it up. The wind will rifle the pages for a while and eventually the bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the bible and it will tell you what to do."
The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the bible. The wind rifles the pages of the bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the bible and sees what he has to do.
Three more...

A circus owner was looking to hire a lion tamer and two young people showed up for the tryout. One was a handsome young man, the other a young, gorgeous blonde woman.
"I'm not going to sugar coat this for you," the circus owner told them, "This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so both of you better be good, or you're history. Here's your equpment - a chair, whip and gun. Now, which one of you would like to go first?"
The young blonde woman decided she would go first. She walked right past the chair, whip and gun, and stepped right into the lion's cage. The lion immediately began to snarl, pant and charge her. About halfway there, she threw open her coat to reveal her beautiful naked body.
Stopping dead in his tracks, the lion sheepishly crawled up to her and proceeded to lick her ankles. He then licked her calves, kissed them, and came to rest with his head at her feet.
Seeing this, the circus owner's mouth dropped to the floor. more...

A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice.
He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do.
The Rabbi says "Take a beach chair and a Bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall on and they will tell you what to do."
The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the Bible and more...

I met this beautiful girl last night. She invited me back to her place and we had the greatest steamiest sex ever. Actually, it wasn't really the greatest sex ever, it was more like medium-great sex, and well, she didn't exactly invite me back to her place, I sort of followed her to a McDonald's.
To be factual, we didn't actually have sex per se, but we came very very close. You see we were fondling each other pretty intensely... well, actually, I was fondling her, she wasn't fondling me... well, really, I wasn't so much fondling per se, our bodies just got very close together. To be honest, I just sort of brushed into her while we were both in line.
Accidentally. But it was great, really hot and sensual you know?
Actually, to be specific, it wasn't really her that I brushed into, it was really the back of the chair she sat down in. Although, the chair was on the other side the room you see. And I was sort of leaning my own chair on the opposite wall. We were connecting more...

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few feet away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, Apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice.
He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do.
The Rabbi says, "Take a beach chair and a Bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall on and they will tell you what to do."
The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the Bible more...

I met this beautiful girl last night. She invited me back to her place and we had the greatest steamiest sex ever.
Actually, it wasn't really the *greatest* sex ever, it was more like medium-great sex, and well, she didn't exactly invite me back to her place, I sort of followed her home to her apartment.
To be factual, we didn't actually have sex per se, but we came very close.
You see we were fondling each other pretty intensely... well, actually, I was fondling her, she wasn't fondling me... well, really, I wasn't actually *fondling* her, our bodies just got very close together.
To be honest, I just sort of brushed into her. Accidentally. But it was great, really hot and sensual you know?
Actually, to be specific, it wasn't really her that I brushed into, it was actually the back of the chair she was sitting in. Although, the chair was...on the other side of a wall you see... in another room sort of.
And I was sort of leaning on the wall, but the chair was more...