Channel Jokes

4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted towatch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michelson WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so shecan knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun said she wanted towatch the discovery channel on how a baby is born. After some dicussion, they all decided to flip channels every 2 seconds so they can watch thesame things.This is what is sounded like:And they're off! They're on top of each other! In...Out...In...Out...andyes, the baby is born!

Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)***I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the more...

The Golf Channel has planned an eight-hour pregame show for Tiger Woods' return to the Masters. They will interview all of his mistresses for 10 seconds each.

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: "Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy." Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: "There's nothing athletes like - or indeed hate - more than hanging around like this." - David Coleman, BBC 1 TV "Not being in the Rumbelows Cup for those teams won't mean a row of beans, 'cos that's only small potatoes." - Ian St John, ITV "Oldham are leading 1-0, a well deserved victory at this stage of the game." - Tommy Docherty, Picadilly Radio Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3: "We don't appear to have Jim Fish on the line at the moment." "Are there any more great swimmers in the pipeline?" - Cliff Morgan, BBC Radio 4 "Andre Vandapole has four silver medals in cyclocross, and none of them gold." - Phil Liggott, Channel 4 TV "Well, I shall remember that catch for many a dying day."

Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)

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I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.

Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink more...