Chase Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little old lady walked into the main branch of Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to open an account with the bank and deposit the $3 million she had in the bag. She said that prior to doing so she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the large amt. of money involved. The teller opened the bag and saw bungles of $100 bills and thinking this a reasonable request telephoned the president's secretary to make an appointment for the lady. Later the lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked to get to know the people she did business with on a more personal level. The bank president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of money and whether it was perhaps and inheritance. She replied "No, I bet on people." Seeing his confusion she explained that she just bet different things with different people. All more...
A wife arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her
husband in bed with a young lovely thing. Just as she was about to
storm out of the house her husband stopped her with these words.
Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. Driving
along the highway, I saw this young girl looking tired and bedraggled,
so I offered her a lift. She was hungry, so I brought her home and made
a meal from the roast you had forgotten in the refrigerator. She had
only some worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you
discarded because they were out of style. She was cold, so I gave her
the sweater I bought you for your birthday - the one you never wore
because the colours didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out, so I
gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but too small for
you now. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and
asked;
"Is there anything else that more...
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q. How do you Scare a Man? A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars that they have no intention of driving.Q. What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women? A. Exchange him.Q. What's a man's idea of a perfect date? A. A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts.Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.Q. How do you get a man to exercise? A. Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces.Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. We don't know. It's never happened.Q. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A. Because, even back then men wouldn't stop to ask for directions.Q. What is a man's idea of safe sex? A. A padded headboard.Q. Men are more...
Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994
1. Introduction
The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.
2. Food
In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.
a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...
How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have testicles. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Why don't men eat more M&M's? They're too hard to peel. What do you call a man with an IQ of 50? Gifted. What's a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing. What do men and bottles of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up. How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares!!!! What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About WomenHow many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Men will screw anything! How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know - it's never happened. Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces? Because they're stupid. How are men and parking spots more...