Chemical Jokes / Recent Jokes
Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer an electrical
engineer a chemical engineer and a computer engineer.
The car stalled out.
The mechanical engineer said. It must be the pistons lets repair
them and be on our way.
The electrical engineer said. It has to be the spark plugs we will
replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all.
The chemical engineer said. No its got to be bad gas we wiill flush
the system and be on our way.
They turned to the computer engineer. What do you think we should
do? they asked.
The computer engineer shrugged and said Lets get out of the car
close the doors. then get back in and try restarting it.
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MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: Women
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money more...
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?" "Sure. That's easy," said one man." What is it?" "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." "What, what?" reasked the instructor." H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water. The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible more...
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.