Quantities Jokes

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    Element: Woman
    Symbol: wo
    Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary from 93 to 280
    Discoverer: Adam
    Occurrence: Copius quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in suburban and rural areas. Known to occuur in small, highly concentrated deposits in Urban areas (see Shopping Mall).

    Physical properties:
    1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
    2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
    3. Melts if given special treatment.
    4. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches, handle with care.
    5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
    6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

    Chemical properties:
    1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum, and and many of the precious stones.
    2. May explode spontaneously if left alone.
    3. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
    4. Insoluble in liquids, but displays a certain more...

    MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials Information
    System
    Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115
    lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Large
    quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
    PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Surface Tension-soft and warm.
    2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
    3. Boils at nothing.
    4. Freezes without reason.
    5. Melts with special reason.
    6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
    7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common
    ore.
    8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.
    9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
    10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to
    reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
    CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.
    2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive more...

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    MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
    MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
    ELEMENT: MAN
    ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs
    SYMBOL: EGO
    DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
    OCCURANCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
    PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
    1) Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
    2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common Sense.
    3) Melts if treated like a God.
    4) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
    5) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
    6) Becomes stubborn and more...

    Element: WomanSymbol: WoAtomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175. Discoverer: AdamOccurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations. Physical Properties: a) Surface usually covered with painted film. b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. c) Melts if given special treatment. d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care! e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore. f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points. Chemical Properties: a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones. b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates. d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point. e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense. f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man. Uses: more...

    Element: Woman
    Symbol: Wo
    Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
    Discoverer: Adam
    Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower
    concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal
    fluctuations.

    Physical Properties:
    a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
    b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
    c) Melts if given special treatment.
    d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
    e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
    f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

    Chemical Properties:
    a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
    b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
    c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
    d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
    alcohol to a certain more...

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