moses pouto's Jokes

Maori falla was flying home to NZ from OZ when the plane crashed on a deserted island and he was the only survivor. Walking along the beach he tripped on something. POOF!!! a cloud of smoke and a Genie appeared.
Maori falla "Who the hell are you!!?"
"Im the Genie of the lamp and you knocked the lid off when you tripped over it , setting me free."
Maori falla "So"
" So i must grant you one wish according to custom before i can return home"
Maori falla " Home! ...Yea no what you mean mate was heading home to a big party myself till this bloody crash, was looking forward to the Hangi.. havent had one for donk's .......wish i had some now

Pommy falla, Ozzy falla, and Maori falla, all ex SAS. Drinking at local RSL, straight whiskeys from a schooner. Six hours later the three of them disappear for a piss and return without anyone noticing. One hour later the pom leans over and whispers to his mates "you know us English are the elite of all SAS regiments" Ozzy falla whispers back 'bugger off mate its us ozzies " Maori falla while taking another drink " Oh, eh!"
Pommy falla " I'll prove it then watch' Pommy falla goes up to the bar and chats to the barman comes back and sits down.
The barman arrives a coupla minutes later with a large towel, face cloth, and large kitchen knife. He spreads the large towel over the table, hands the face cloth to the Ozzy and gives the knife to the Pom
The pom puts his hand on the towel raises the knife and bang cuts off his little finger. "Thats how tough our English SAS are he whispers" The Ozzy wipes the poms cut finger with the face more...

Maori falla "Hey cuz how come you sheila's like those pommy falla's more than us falla's?'
Maori sheila " Coz cuz they better roots than you falla's?"
Maori falla "Eh! how come! how come they better rooters than us falla's then eh!"?"
Maori sheila " Simple cuz, when you falla"s wanna root, you walk up to us sheila's and put it in!"
Maori falla "Yea! so, thats what you do when you gonna have a root with a sheila isnt that right eh cuz?"
Maori sheila "Yea thats right cuz, you falla"s walk up to us sheilas and put it in!... But those pommy fallas!!..man when they wanna root they put it in first!.... THEN walk up to you?"

Maori falla " Me miss!?"
English Teacher, "You! yes you?" "How many seconds are there in one minute?" Whole class puts their hands up. Miss! Miss! I know!
Maori falla " rrrrrrrr ummmmmmm rrr "60 Miss! 60 seconds in one minute Miss?"
English Teacher " Well done. Now how many seconds are there in one hour?" Whole class raises hands again.
Maori falla " errrrrr .... ummmmm .... six!! carry the ...errrrrrr ... put the zero....... errrrrr..... ummmmmmm!!!.....how many seconds!!?...
English Teacher " Well!?"
Maori falla " Nearly had it Miss!? ummmmmmm .....hmmmmm.. errrrrrrr ..... Got it Miss!!!! 3600 seconds Miss! 3600 seconds in one hour?"
English Teacher "Very good, well done. Now i will give you a minute or two to answer this last question just do your best ok!?"
Maori fallla " Very good Miss?"
English Teacher " Ok! How many seconds are more...

Maori falla "Hey cuz! where you going?"
Cuz "No where why?"
Maori falla "Well wait for me then I'll come with you?"
Maori falla " What we gonna do when we get there cuz?"
Cuz "Nothing why?"
Maori falla " Was gonna ask the other guys if they want to come with us and helpout! thats why?"
Cuz "Oh! ok if you want?"
Maori falla "Gotta go home now, shall we do this again tomorrow cuz?"
Cuz "Sure why not?"

Maori falla walks into crowded pub and see's pommy guy he had a beer with one year ago. Pub goes dead quiet, maori falla walks up to the bar grabs two handles of beer and heads in the poms direction. You could hear a pin drop, hands one handle to the pom, downs his in one gulp and goes get another returns to where the pom is downs his handle in one gulp slams it down on the table and sez to the pom.
Maori falla " your the bugger who ran off with my wife!!!! eh mate?"
Pommy fellow doesnt utter a word, or touch his beer
Maori falla really fuming now, " Mate you got till tonite to bring...to bring back my ..... pauses to get the words right .. to bring back my milking cow you also took? So enjoy your beer you deserve it!"

English tourists driving through New Zealand countryside when they spot 4 maori falla's struggling with a huge pole against the woolshed.
Curious they stop, watch and take photo's. Finally one of the tourist's curiosity gets the better of him, so he walks over to them and asks what are they trying to do.
Maori falla " wadaya mean! what are we doing?"
Pommy falla " I mean sir! why are you trying to lean that pole against this barn?"
Maori falla " So we can measure it eh!?"
Pommy falla somewhat bemused "Err!! pardon me for saying sir! but why couldnt you measure it the pole that is, while it was laying on the ground?"
Maori falla just as bemused at the question. "man you poms think you know everything eh!!! its because we want to measure the height not the length! Ok!?"