Australia Jokes

A Jamaican tourist was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an Australian, chewing gum, sat next to him.
The Jamaican politely ignored the Australian, who, never the less started up a conversation. The Australian snapped his gum and said, "You Jamaican folks eat the whole bread?"
The Jamaican frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."
The Australian blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In Australia, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect, recycle them, and transform them into croissants and sell them to Jamaica."
The Australian had a smirk on his face. The Jamaican listened in silence. The Australian persisted. "D'ya eat jam with the bread?" Sighing the Jamaican replied, "Of course." Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Australian said, "We don't. In Australia, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers more...

A blonde, brunette and a redhead were chosen to be apart of a science experiment.
The scientist said "Think of any place you would like to go and you will instantly be there"
The brunette said "I want to go to Australia"
Instantly she was poofed to Australia
Then the redhead said "I want to go to Antarctica" and instantly she was poofed to Antarctica"
The blonde said " I want to go to the sun"
The scientist said "but you will burn to death"
Blonde replied" duhh ill go at night"

In Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
In Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe(again)
3. Australia lost the Ashes (again)
4. Pope Died (again)
Moral of the story -
In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry....
Please warn the Pope

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!

A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, “What is your business in Australia? ” “I wish to immigrate, ” was the Kiwi’s reply. The customs officer then asked, “Do you have a conviction record? ” Confused, the Kiwi then replied, “I didn’t think you still needed one. ”