Germany Jokes

By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News (January 23, 1996)
Bocholt, Germany - A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck the trumpeter in the back of the head!
Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College band was rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When the Saints Go Marching In.
According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, "got carried away" with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around as he played.
At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly to the floor.
"Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard," said medical examiner Dr. Max Krause. "But it wasn't just the force of the blow that killed Mohr.
"The slide struck him in the worst possible place - the vulnerable spot just behind and below the left ear. "Bone more...

'Beauty and der Beast' and similar kinds of texts, where English is enriched by German words and morphemes (the elements of words), are obviously funny to native English speakers.
Here is what Germans (provided they know a little English) find funny - do you? The basic rule when writing such a text is to translate morpheme by morpheme, keeping the wordorder.
A reader's letter about Munich
THE FREEBODY-CULTURE
Very honored Mr. Chief-Editor,
I have the outeachothersetting in the Southgerman Paper about the English-teaching in Germany followed and I want now my mustard to it give. To make it short, it hangs me to the throat out, and therefore want I say something about your wonderful city. Mainthingly, find I Munich traffic-politically unreached. I sat myself in New York in the greatroom-flystuff, and eight hours later am I in your gemoodly flyport Riem. Then went it in only 15 minutes and the faststreet to the Maryplace, where I with many with-humans the Bellgame on more...

Here are some of the classic questions that were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and the witty answers that go with them. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower... Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed... Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October... Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: And accomplish what? Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us... Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply more...

Background: A firm in Germany ordered macaroni from a firm in the United
States. While the macaroni was enroute, a couple of boxes
broke open and some rats nested in the macaroni. The German
firm sent the following letter concerning the condition of
the macaroni.
WILHELMSTRASSEE 135
HAMBURG, GERMANY
BRITISH ZONE
SCHENTLEMENS:
DER LAST TWO PACKESCHES VE GOT FROM YOU OF MACARONI WAS MITT RATTSCHIDT
GEMIXT. DER MACARONI MAY BE GUT ENUFF, BUT DER RATTCURDS SCHPOILS DER
TRADE. VE DID NOT SEE DER RATTCURDS IN DER SEMBLES VICH YOU SENT US
FOR EXAMINASHUM.
VE ORDER DER KLEEN MACARONI AND YOU SHIPT SCHIDT MIT DER MACARONI, IT VAS
A MISTAKE, YA? ID TAKES SO MUCH TIME TO PIK DER RATTCURDS FROM DER
MACARONI VE LIKE YOU TO SCHIP US DER MACARONI IN VUN SAK UND DER RATTSCHIDT
IN DER ODDER SAK, DEN VE MIX IT TO SUIT DER CUSTOMER.
PLEASE WRITE IF VE SHULDT SHIPP DER SCHIDT BAK UND KEEPEN DER MACARONI, OR
VE SHULDT KEEP DER SCHIDT more...

A blonde enters a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Germany. When the man tells her the cost will be $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I will do anything to get a message to my mother in Germany."
"Anything?" the man asks. "Yes, anything!" the blonde replies.
"OK," he says, "Follow me!" He walks in to the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does.
"Get down on your knees," he says. She does.
Next, he tells her to take down his zipper, and she does.
He then says, "Go ahead... take it out." The blonde takes it out and grabs hold of it with both hands.
"Well. Go ahead!" says the man. She brings her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, she says "Hello... Mom??"