Chat Jokes

Sister Mary Holycard was in her 60s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.One afternoon early in the spring a young priest came to chat, so she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor.She then invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young priest noticed a crystal glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water, and in the water floated, a condom.Well, imagine how shocked and surprised he was. Imagine his curiosity! Surely, he thought, Sister Mary had flipped or something! When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat, and of course, the priest tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, and the strange floater. Soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer."Sister," he asked, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?" (pointing to the crystal bowl)"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?""I was walking downtown last fall more...

For anyone that has spent just a few too many hours in #hotsex on IRC...
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy.
However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: more...

Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a more intimate correspondence. After months of virtual kinkiness, the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small cafe.

Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.

"Are you Bob?" asked Bunny.

"Yes I am," said Bob.

"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me that you were tall, dark and handsome."

"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red. "You told me that you were skinny, blonde, and... female!"

DIALOG OF A MAN ON HIS COMPUTER:
"Ok, log onto messenger, let's see now… Ok, um, George is on let's see- Popup… Let's see: ‘Messenger needs these updates to continue or- god, that's the third time this week! Cancel… and it continues! Needs updates my butt… Ok, George2312 invites you to chat. Sure, click on- what?!? Stupid mouse came unplugged. Hang on, let's see, um, where does it go? There we go, plug the- ow! That hurt! Stupid wires, too easy to trip over… Ok, ‘accept,' and type… ‘Hi, George, how are you doing?' And George sends you an invitation to live chat, accept- oh come on! Needs the new updates, god! Ok, fine. Connecting… huh? Page cannot be displayed- ARRG! *pounds on keyboard* Huh? Pressing the shift key five times enables StickyKeys. StickyKeys lets you use the SHIFT, CTRL, ALT, or Windows Logo key by pressing one key at a time. What the heck is that supposed to mean?!? ‘Cancel.' Now, refresh. Ok, connection working. Get the update for OH MY more...

Two mates are having a chat over a beer."Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?"one bloke asks his friend."No way!" his mate replies."Well," says the first bloke,"do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?""Fuck no!" his mate replies."Well," says the first bloke,"what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"