Aol Jokes

My computer broke down.

It crashed and burned!

And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy...

And keep it off my mind.

It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc.

The cashier in electronics was staring at me.

But I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find.

I drew a crowd as I began to cry.

I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to have my fix!!

Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics.

The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!"

Security rushed over. Not long did he stall.

Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door!

Then he looked at me and said, more...

You Might Be Addicted to AOL if........ Tech Support calls "You" for help...... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL..... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other...... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"..... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's..... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"..... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it..... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences..... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing..... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"..... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep...... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's...... you lie to others about your time on-line and when they more...

Exclusive news! A team of hackers managed to break into Santa's intranet this week and checked his database (twice) for the gifts he has in store for the computer industry's newsmakers, movers, and shakers. They leaked the list to CNET, and in the interests of public information, we're passing it on to you:
10. Marc Andreessen, Netscape: his own not-quite-evil empire.
9. Louis Rosetto, "Wired": a low-interest loan.
8. Trip Hawkins, 3DO: Nintendo 64.
7. Kim Polese, Marimba: subscriptions to every magazine whose cover she graced in 1996.
6. Larry Ellison, Oracle: Redmond.
5. Al Gore, U. S. government: An AOL account. And a clue.
4. Andy Grove, Intel: Prozac for his paranoia.
3. Phil Zimmermann, PGP: Get Out of Jail Free card.
2. Steve Case, AOL: $19. 95 from everyone in the world.
1. Bill Gates, Microsoft: peace on earth and good will toward Microsoft.

This week, I am at home and playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is so easy, I thought I would share it with you.

1. Make the beds. What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that. Scratch one.

2. Pick up dog poop in yard. It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop? Scratch two.

3. Drop your shirts off at the cleaners. Duh, I'm on vacation, I don't need them. Scratch three.

This is easy! What's the fuss? Think I'll go on AOL for awhile.

4. Clean out Tupperware cabinet. Uh, that's a hard one. Got it! Velcro on the door will keep them closed. Scratch four.

5. Mop kitchen floor. The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me. Scratch five. Good doggie, go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.

6. Find something fun for the kids to do. That tinfoil in the microwave more...

1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.

2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you,but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?

3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?

4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?

5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!

6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?

7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain more...