Instead Jokes

Three Browns fans were standing in line at a convenience store complaining about how the Steelers made it to the Super Bowl instead of their beloved Browns.
"I blame the management staff," said the first, "because if they would sign eleven new players we could be a great side."
"I blame the coach and the players," said the second, "because if they would make some effort they might at least score a few touchdowns."
"I blame my parents," said the third, "because if I'd been born in Pittsburgh instead of Cleveland, I'd be supporting a decent team!"

you have a 'barrel man' in your house, you may be filipino...(you know.. the wooden man... when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!) you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino. you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be Filipino. you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room, you're a Filipino. you have a very good sense of maniana habit, you might be Filipino. you smoke in your house you put up your knee while eating you eat kanin and ulam using your hand you are pakialamero you say Sugarol, babaero at tumador you are chismosa you say Comfort Room instead of Restroom. you say For Take Out instead of to go. you point w/ your lips, then you might be a Filipino. you say open or close the lights, then you might be a Filipino. you nod upwards to greet someone, you might be a Filipino. your nickname is 'boy', you might be a Filipino. you ask for a Colgate instead of toothpaste, you might be a Filipino. you say 'Canteen' instead of cafeteria, then you more...

Signs you've been playing HALO (for XBOX) too long.
-You call your friends by their character name instead of their real name.
-You can't remember your friends' real names.
-You believe that the Earth is one huge ring instead of a ball.
-You cansantly attempt to pistol-whip people.
-You begin to wonder where the needler and rocket launcher are on campus.
-You refer to your car as a warthog.
-You attempt to mount a gatling gun onto the back of your car.

Microsoft announced plans to open retail stores, hoping to boost visibility of many of its products and its brand. The move seems to be an effort to mimic the success that Apple has had with its retail stores. The news is just too tempting not to have some fun with. So here are some yet-to-be-officially-revealed details about the Microsoft stores.

1) Instead of Apple's sheer walls of glass, Microsoft's stores will have brushed steel walls dotted with holes -- reminiscent of Windows security.

2) The store will have six different entrances: Starter, Basic, Premium, Professional, Enterprise, and Ultimate. While all six doors will lead into the same store, the Ultimate door requires a fee of $100 for no apparent reason.

3) Instead of a "Genius Bar" (as Apple provides) Microsoft will offer an Excuse Bar. It will be staffed by Microsofties trained in the art of evading questions, directing you to complicated and obscure fixes, and explaining it's a more...

Little Timmy always sat in the front pew of the church and gave a hand full of change when the collection basket passed. One Sunday the pastor noticed that Timmy started to put his change in the collection basket but decided to put his money in his pocket instead.
After service, Little Timmy rushed up to the pastor and wanted to hand him the handful of change, but the pastor proceeds to tell Timmy that he did not need the money and that he should put it in the basket instead. Little Timmy replies, "Oh no, father, you need it more than anyone else does, because my daddy says that you're the poorest pastor we ever had."