"About Women" joke

WORKPLACE HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

WOMAN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: WO2

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lb. but known to vary from 100 to 550 lb.

OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Surface usually covered with painted film.

Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.

Melts if given special treatment.

Bitter if incorrectly used.

Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.

Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.

Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.

Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS:

Pure specimen turns rosy pick when discovered in natural state.

Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

Illegal to possess more than one.