Chess Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses
What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
Krisp Kringle
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude'olph
Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen
What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a
chimney?
Santa Claus-trophbia
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about
their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbonhood
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
How do canines in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleas Navidog.
During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an adjournment and left for their hotel. In the lobby of the hotel several chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging, "I could beat Karpov with no problem".
"Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time."
"That's nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!"
Finally, the hotel manager had had enough and threw them all out of the hotel.
But why?" a bystander asked.
"Because," the manager replied "I hate. .."chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!"
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man "I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!" The man replied "Nah lady this cats not clever at all I'm beating it 6 games to 1"
Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific.
Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Gulati: "Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete with a world champion"
Gary: "How about if I play left handed? "
Gulati: [Think.. Think..] "OK!"
Gulati is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh.
Gulati: Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me in spite of him playing left-handed...
Manpreet: Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the hotel manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?, they asked, as they moved off." Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby more...
Q: How many chess grandmasters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 21. One to have the idea, and a whole load more to do all the analysis.