Children Jokes / Recent Jokes

3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
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A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
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After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
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I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each more...

Dr suess tonuge twister.
See if you can do this read each
sentence out loud!
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat.
Now read only the the third line of each
sentence!
This is how to keep a dumbass
busy for forty seconds.

Here is a little test that will help you decide

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?
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Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have more...

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers.
One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill.
He told the uncle to ask him an addition question.
So the uncle asked, "What is three plus four?"
The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven."
The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets."
So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?"
The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets, then the boy said, "Eleven."

How many letters are in the alphabet?
There are 11 letters in "THE ALPHABET"
Did you say 26? :)

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together."A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"The priest says, "I mean her legs."

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders,
using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:
"Red... cherry,"
"Yellow... lemon,"
"Green... lime,"
"Orange... orange,"
Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers.
After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue; It's what your mother may
sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and yelled:
"Oh, my God! They're assholes!!!