Chose Jokes / Recent Jokes

Erap and some soldiers were caught in war and held as hostages. They were all going to die, but were given two options--either be injected with the H. I. V. virus, or be shot to death. Every soldier chose to be shot, but Erap chose the H. I. V. virus. "Psst, why don't you want to be shot like the rest of us?" *Whispers* "They don't know I'm wearing a condom!"

There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.
Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and did’nt want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.
The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and did’nt want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn’t work and he was free.
Next it was the Newfoundlanders turn to pick how he was to be executed. He said “I’m afraid of needles, the electric chair won’t work so you’re going to have more...

There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that ight that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die. The choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and when they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happened a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free. The Torontonian was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free. Next it was the Newfies turn. He said, "I'm afraid of needles and the electric chair won't work so I pick hanging."

Billy the rabbit was a scientific experimental rabbit, They kept him loecked up in a cage 24 hours a day with no room to run jump and play.
He was totally pissed off by this. One day, however, Billy discovered how to unhook the cage latch and open the door! Woah! He could escape - be free! He kept silent, then when night came, made his move. Opening the cage he leapt out and run for dear life out into freedom. He ran until he came to his old patch - all his friends were there still.
"Whey hey! It's Billy" they all cheered as the fed him gourmet lettuce and water. "You shall have the best we can provide" they all said.
Billy was happy that they remembered him and helped himself to the lion's share of the best food they could find.
His friends also gave him the pick of the chicks that night, "Here, Billy - chose whichever you want - however many you want!"
Billy chose Roberta and Hannah, he chose wisely - they were the best looking more...

Jack was walking around when he noticed a ladder that went up into the clouds. After climbing the first cloud he met a stinky, unattractive woman who said, "Have sex with me or climb the ladder to success." Jack chose to climb the ladder. At the next cloud he met a slightly better looking woman who said, "Have sex with me or climb the ladder to success." Figuring it only gets better, Jack chose to climb the ladder some more. At the next cloud, he met a very attractive woman who said, "Have sex with me or climb the ladder to success." Things were getting better the higher he got, so Jack chose to climb the ladder even more. At the fourth cloud, he met the most gorgeous woman to ever grace the Universe. She looked at him seductively and begged, "Have sex with me or climb the ladder to success." Jack was extremely tempted to satisfy his urges but still, he climbed the ladder to success. At the fifth cloud, Jack was startled when a greasy, 500lb more...

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times.
The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space.
The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols.

The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."
"Yes -- so what?"
"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it know?"

Two guys recently dead were given the option to stay either in Heaven
or Hell for the rest of their eternity. They asked if it was OK to
look around first, and to their surprise, it was.
First, they went to Heaven. All nice-guys were there, dressed in
white they sat on clouds playing harp. Quite a boring place, thought
our heroes.
"Let's go to Hell," they said to each other.
Hell turned out to be a completely different scene. It was all bars,
casino and amusement parks. Free drinks for everyone and a lot of
people having a real good time.
Back from Hell, the guys where asked to chose between Heaven and Hell.
They both chose Hell.
Back in Hell, they were immediately scuffled in the back of a
sub-surface car and driven to a coal mine. Someone gave them a shovel
each and told them to start working.
"What's this? The last time we were here the place was entirely
different."
"Yes, but then you were more...