Christians Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three Muslims died and went to Heaven. When they approached the gate, St. Peter said "Sorry, only Christians are allowed in Heaven."The Muslims said "But we are good Christians!"St. Peter replied "Okay, if you're good Christians then tell me what is Easter?"The first Muslim went up to St. Peter and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a white bunny suit and hopped around delivering eggs to children!"St. Peter shook his head, and said "Next!"The second Muslim guy then came up and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a red and white suit and flied around delivering presents to good children!"St. Peter sighed, and said "Next!"So the last Muslim guy comes up to old St. Peter and says "Oh, I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man died on the cross for the people, and they buried him in a cave. After three days more...
Christmas is one day, same day every year. December 25. Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida).
Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat.
Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos.... Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive on the bookshelf.
There is only one way to spell more...
Two Christians have lived very good, and also very healthy lives. They die, and go to heaven.
As they are walking along, marvelling at the paradise around them, one turns to the other and says "Wow. I never knew heaven was going to be as good as this!"
"Yeah", says the other. "And just think, if we hadn't eaten all that oat bran we could have got here ten years sooner."
Three Muslims died and went to Heaven. When they approached the gate, St. Peter said "Sorry, only Christians are allowed in Heaven." The Muslims said "But we are good Christians!"St. Peter replied "Okay, if you're good Christians then tell me what is Easter?" The first Muslim went up to St. Peter and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a white bunny suit and hopped around delivering eggs to children!"St. Peter shook his head, and said "Next!"The second Muslim guy then came up and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a red and white suit and flied around delivering presents to good children!"St. Peter sighed, and said "Next!"So the last Muslim guy comes up to old St. Peter and says "Oh, I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man died on the cross for the people, and they buried him in a cave. After three days more...
1) Nice bible. 2) I would like to pray with you. 3) You know Jesus? Me too. 4) God told me to come talk to you. 5) I know a church where we could go and talk. 6) How about a hug, sister? 7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy. 8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug. 9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4: 11 10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? 11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study? 12) I am here for you. 13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," how about dinner? 14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither. 15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight? 16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart? 17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot? 18) Nice bracelet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do." 19) Do you believe in Divine appointment? 20) Have you ever tried praying at a more...
1) Nice bible.
2) I would like to pray with you. 3) You know Jesus? Me too. 4) God told me to come talk to you. 5) I know a church where we could go and talk. 6) How about a hug, sister? 7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy. 8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug. 9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4:11 10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? 11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study? 12) I am here for you. 13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," how about dinner? 14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither. 15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight? 16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart? 17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot? 18) Nice bracelet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do." 19) Do you believe in Divine appointment? 20) Have you ever tried praying more...