Church Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on theedge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!""Why shouldn't I?" he said.I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!""Like what?""Well... are you religious or atheist?""Religious.""Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?""Christian.""Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?""Protestant.""Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?""Baptist.""Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of theLord?""Baptist Church of God.""Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you ReformedBaptist Church of God?""Reformed Baptist Church of God.""Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?""Reformed Baptist Church of God, more...

A Pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the pastor to the health department.

They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the pastor knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the pastor called him anyway.

The mayor did not disappoint him. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any way? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

The pastor paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. Then, he replied "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"

A young girl is walking up the stairs in a church just as the priest is walking by. He looks up and is shocked to see the girl isn't wearing any panties.
He calls to the girl, gives her $25 and says, "Young lady, it's not proper to walk around without any panties on. Take this money and buy yourself some panties."
The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her to buy some panties for her. The mother asks her daughter where she got the money from and the girl explains what happened.
After learning how her daughter got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, puts on the shortest skirt she has and runs to the church.
As soon as she sees the priest approaching, she starts to walk up the stairs. The priest notices her and calls her down.
Not wanting the priest to think she's expecting anything, she calmly walks back down the stairs to where he is waiting.
The priest hands the woman $1 and says, "Lady, take more...

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time.
Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project. Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with turpentine.
Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the lawn.
Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, more...

There once was a good Baptist Minister, who in order to make his family's budget go a little further, rode a bicycle to Church and to Church functions. One day his bike turned up missing. He searched everywhere, but could not find it. Since it was a very small town he lived in, and most of the town was in his parish, he assumed that one of his flock had strayed and stolen his bicycle.
He spoken with his Deacon about his quandry. The Deacon suggested that at the Sermon next Sunday, the Minister talk on the Ten Commandments. When he got to the Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Steal", the Minister should turn on the Fire-and-Brimstone and preach like he had never preached before. The guilty part should then feel such remorse for their wrongdoing, that they would return the bike.
So Sunday came and the Minister gave his sermon. It was a good sermon but when he reached "Thou Shalt Not Steal", there was no Fire-and-Brimstone. The Deacon was puzzled and asked the more...

A female parishioner was drinking here regular coffee in her local coffee shop when she remembered that the bishop of her church was coming over for a cup of tea to talk about religion.
Knowing she didn't have any sugar in her house and that the bishop would be at her house in 10 minutes, she bought sugar cube with the change she had from her

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
Evening massage - 6 p.m.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The pastor will more...