Chute Jokes / Recent Jokes

Oscar was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydiving
class, he dove out of the airplane and pulled the ripcord. The chute
emerged, tangled, and he cut it free. He then pulled the cord on the
reserve chute, and it also was tangled. He prayed to his God and looked
down to the ground below. To his amazement, a woman was coming up
with equal velocity.
"Hey, you know anything about parachutes?" he shouted to her, as they passed
by.
The reply: "No... you know anything about Coleman stoves?"

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes his chute is broken. He doesn't know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down.
The wind is ripping past his face, he's dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"
The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he`s falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesn`t know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, he`s dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure "You count toten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn'topen, pull the second. That should do it. Then, afteryou land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up." The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary"Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted toten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn'topen. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet thatgoddamn truck won't be there either!"

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As hes falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesnt know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, hes dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

(14 July 2000, Canada)

It was a dare that Sheldon, 25, will literally never take again. He and a group of friends found themselves at a Calgary apartment after an evening spent at a local bar. It was there that a joking challenge was issued. "Who wants to ride the in-house water slide?" The slide was actually a garbage chute.

Sheldon volunteered, tumbled into the opening, and his subsequent headlong slide beat the standard elevator service down to the first floor. An unforgiving trash compactor awaited his arrival, and friends administered CPR there until emergency crews arrived at the scene. But they were too late.

The 12-story fall had already dispatched Sheldon to his Darwinian demise.

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.
The corporal explained the procedure "You count to
ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't
open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after
you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up."
The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary
"Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted to
ten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open.
He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn't
open. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet that
goddamn truck won't be there either!"