Citizen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi... you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi... you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know
who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President
of- a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all
about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says.
"Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President
of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all
about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi... you
know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while
you're in night more...

I am a senior citizen... - I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts' till 8pm. - I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. - I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. - I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid... - I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go. - I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. - I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. - I'm very good at telling stories... over and over and over and over. - I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. - I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care. - I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians... - I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet. - I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. - I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg. - I'm having trouble remembering simple words more...

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner,
Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his
accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat,
and before
they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation Harold turns to Mildred and asks,
"Do you know
what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?"
"SEX!" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get
it up if I held a
gun to your head!"
"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it
for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his
manhood and
proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in
the garden
where they would sit and talk and Mildred more...

I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts' till 8pm.I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid...I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over.I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care.I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians...I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet.I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh...I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.I'm walking more...