Clarence Jokes / Recent Jokes

Maude and Clarence, an elderly couple, were in the kitchen having lunch when Clarence asked, "Maude, whatever happened to our sexual relations?"
After a long, thoughtful silence, Maude replied, "You know, Clarence, I'm not sure. I don't even think we received a Christmas card from them last year."

WARNING: May be offensive to animal lovers, flood victims, Timothy McVeigh, Dan Quayle, Clarence Thomas, AOL, Lousianians, British Royalty, Los Angelenos, the IRS, smokers, President Clinton, Mafiosi, airline luggage handlers AND airline food preparers Includes reference to drug use, sex, God and doo doo heads...
Well folks, it's springtime, when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love, while his remote turns to the NCAA tournament.
After President Clinton injured his knee, his press secretary was asked if he had been given painkillers. The answer,' Yes, but he didn't swallow them.'
Al Gore is taking heat for his role in campaign fundraising. In true vice presidential form, he issued a statement saying,' This is becoming a real hot potatoe.'
The IRS wants to improve its image. They will no longer answer the phone with' Next victim', and their new mascot' Timmy the Tax Collector' will replace the Grim Reaper. (Daily Scoop)
Liggett Group Inc. is going to more...

Once upon a time, there lived a man named Clarence who had a pet frog named Felix. Clarence lived a modestly comfortable existence on what he earned working at the Wal-Mart, but he always dreamed of being rich.
"Felix!" he exclaimed one day, "We're going to be rich! I'm going to teach you how to fly!"
Felix, of course, was terrified at the prospect: "I can't fly, you idiot... I'm a frog, not a canary!"
Clarence, disappointed at the initial reaction, told Felix: "That negative attitude of yours could be a real problem. I'm sending you to class."
So Felix went to a three day class and learned about problem solving, time management, and effective communication... but nothing about flying.
On the first day of "flying lessons", Clarence could barely control his excitement (and Felix could barely control his bladder). Clarence explained that their apartment had 15 floors, and each day Felix would jump out of a window more...

Once upon a time, there lived a man named Clarence who had a pet frog named Felix. Clarence lived a modestly comfortable existence on what he earned working at the Wal-Mart, but he always dreamed of being rich.
"Felix!" he exclaimed one day, "We're going to be rich! I'm going to teach you how to fly!"
Felix, of course, was terrified at the prospect: "I can't fly, you idiot...
I'm a frog, not a canary!"
Clarence, disappointed at the initial reaction, told Felix: "That negative attitude of yours could be a real problem. I'm sending you to class."
So Felix went to a three day class and learned about problem solving, time management, and effective communication... but nothing about flying.
On the first day of "flying lessons", Clarence could barely control his excitement (and Felix could barely control his bladder). Clarence explained that their apartment had 15 floors, and each day Felix would jump out of a window more...

A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said' No Way! You're going to By-God West Virginia Univ.'Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said' I'll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond. You're marrying a By-God West Virginian boy.'So he sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister. In a couple of days they returned. Dad said' Where is your sister?'They replied' We were almost there Daddy, and we came up on this overpass that had this sign that read -' Clarence 13'6" - so we turned around and got the hell out of there!'