Clarence Jokes

The Smith family was very proud of the fact that their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. As a legacy for their children, they hired a top-notch author to research and write a book about their family history.
Much to their horror, it was discovered that Great-uncle Clarence had been executed in the electric chair for committing murder. Devastated, they didn't want that to be revealed in the book, but felt that they didn't want Great-uncle Clarence to be omitted either. After voicing their concerns to the author, he assured them that he could handle everything tactfully.
When the book came out, the section on Great-uncle Clarence read:-
'Great-uncle Clarence occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties and his death came as a great shock.'

After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. 00. "That is a bit much," said Clarence.
So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30. 00. "That's still quite a bit," Clarence groused.
Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15. 00 bottle. "What I mean," said Clarence, "is I would like to see something really cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.

A burgular enters a house when he thinks no one is home. As he is creeping through the living room he hears "Jesus is watching you". Startled, he looks around but sees nothing. He tries walking through the house and hears it again. This time he looks around and spots a parrot in the corner of the room. "Did you say Jesus is watching me?" he asked. The bird replies "yes".When he asked the birds name the bird told him Clarence. "What idiot would name a bird Clarence?" the burglar asked. "The same idiot who named the family Rottweiler Jesus."the bird replied

A redneck girl was dating a fellow in Pennsylvania named Clarence. They got into a huge fight and she told her two brothers (Billy Bob and Billy Jim) about it.
They jumped into their pick-up truck and headed to
Pennsylvania to settle the score with Clarence. They reached the state line and after passing under an over-pass, Billy Bob made a quick U-turn and headed back home quickly.
Billy Jim asked why he had turned around.
Billy Bob replied, "I ain't messing around with that dude. Did you see that sign back there? 'Clearance 14 feet 8 inches.'

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you."

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes," said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."