Clarence Jokes / Recent Jokes
"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
Late one night, a burgler broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, he heard a voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Nothing happened, so the burgler crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you" - said the voice.
The burgler stopped dead in his tracks. He looked around. In a dark corner he spotted a bird cage with a parrot in it.
"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" he asked.
"Yes" said the parrot.
The burgler breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence" answered the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burgler. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot's answer: "The same idiot who named the Bulldog, Jesus."
A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said' No Way! You're going to By-God West Virginia Univ.'
Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said' I'll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond. You're marrying a By-God West Virginian boy.'
So he sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister. In a couple of days they returned. Dad said' Where is your sister?'
They replied' We were almost there Daddy, and we came up on this overpass that had this sign that read -' Clarence 13'6" - so we turned around and got the hell out of there!'
A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said "No way! You're going to By-God West Virginia Univ."
Well, she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married, to a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said "I'll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond, you're marrying a By-God West Virginian boy," so he sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister.
In a couple of days they returned. The confused father asked "Where is your sister?"
They replied "We were almost there Dad, but we got to this overpass with a sign that said 'Clarence 13'6'' so we turned around and drove the hell out of there!"